Thursday, August 29, 2013

Bacon Cheddar Biscuits

Once, when I was just a wee little girl, my mother said something that has stuck with me forever and ever (about 30 years) until this very day. And lately I've been thinking about it a lot. It might have profound implications, a rare insight into my mother's sense of herself.  Or it might not, really, I dunno, I could be reading too much into things. (I do that a lot.)

My mother--her name was Trudy--said, "I don't like to put on very bright lipstick, because I don't want it to be like 'Here comes Trudy's Lips!'"

It makes me sad. Today I think, why not? What's wrong with Trudy's lips? Ok, my mother's lips were rather on the thin side, but there was nothing wrong with them. Why shouldn't she wear bright lipstick for everyone to see?

We should all be bright peacocks! We should all wear bright bright colors--vivid, unforgettable colors--that announce to the world "Here I am, and I am gorgeous!" Wear vivid red boots with a dramatic blue dress! Carry a searingly yellow umbrella and bright pink lipstick! Be special. Be brilliant. Don't hide away, because you deserve more than feeling like you need to hide away.  Don't tell yourself that you're not worth looking at, because you are. Everyone is worthy of being loved.  And you know how old people always seem to get away with stuff we can't get away with? Like mismatched lipstick, hilariously blue hair, and inappropriate statements? Get away with it now. "You shouldn't have to wait 'til you're 90 to be delightfully yourself." --Danielle Corsetto.

Sure, haters are gonna hate. Psh, let them. They're just jealous, because you're fabulous.

Be fabulous.

On that note of fabulosity and insanely vivid flavors, I present to you Bacon Cheddar Biscuits. They're very much like Red Lobster's famous Cheddar Bay biscuits, but with bacon! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

This recipe is slightly adapted from one given to me by my friend Julie, mainly in that she used Bisquick, and we don't have any. Had to make my own, so that's the first set of ingredients. If you have Bisquick, you can skip that first group. Also, she recommends that you chop up your bacon before frying it, instead of after, and it is easier than trying to chop up hot bacon later, but just be warned that that bacon is going to pop a LOT as you stir it to cook, so you might want to wear a welding helmet or something. At least wear long sleeves.  Oh yeah, and I added parsley too, 'cause if there's green stuff in it, we can say we're eating our vegetables.


3 cups flour
1½ tablespoons baking powder
1/4 tablespoon salt
1/4 cup Crisco (or lard, or unsalted butter)
or 3 cups of Bisquick
2 tablespoons garlic powder
1/2 cup dried parsley
1 (12oz) package of bacon
2 cups shredded cheese
2½ tablespoons of bacon grease
1¼ cup milk

1) Preheat oven to 400º.
2) Chop up the raw bacon. I pulled it out of the package, did not separate the strips, and just cut down across the strips with a chef's knife.
3) Put the bacon in a frying pan & cook it on medium, stirring every few seconds to break up the pieces. It will pop and hiss a lot, so you really might want a long-sleeved shirt for this. Cook until crispy.
4) In a large mixing bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, and salt. Then cut in the Crisco with a pastry cutter or a couple of forks until it's all mixed together very well.  If you're using Bisquick instead, just measure 3 cups of Bisquick into a large mixing bowl.
5) Mix in the garlic powder, parsley, and cheese.
6) Drain the bacon grease into a glass measuring cup or bowl.  Add the cooked bacon to the large bowl of biscuit mix.
7) Measure out 2½ tablespoons of the bacon grease, and add that to the biscuit mix along with the milk. (Discard the rest.) Stir until well combined.
8) Drop the dough in about 1/3cup-sizes onto cookie sheets lined with parchment paper, and bake for 15-20 minutes, until the edges are browning and they feel firm to the touch. Remove from the oven and let cool on the cookie sheet.

And there you have it! Any cheese and/or bacon loving family will love these. You can even get away with them for breakfast since there's, you know, eggs and bacon.

Early morning bacon biscuit breakfast sun!

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Chocolate Chip Fluffernutter Bars

Today I present to you.... Chocolate Chip Fluffernutter Bars! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! (Picture Kermit the Frog waving his hands around the in the air and yelling "yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!" and then you'll know what my head sounds like right now.)

It started off with's Nutella-Swirled Peanut Butter Chip Blondies.  Intriguing idea, but as has already been documented, I'm not a big fan of Nutella. Meh.  Ok. So, replace the Nutella with peanut butter.   But peanut butter chips (while yummy) with peanut butter swirls sounds a bit too much. Chocolate chips? Sure! And don't I have some marshmallow fluff in the pantry too...? Yep, sure do!

Thought about putting coconut on top too but whoa there, Nelly! Let's not go crazy!

The end result? Heh heh heh...
The end result is some good stuff. Interestingly, I find I prefer the bites without the chocolate more, so next time I make these (and there will be a next time) I'll leave the chocolate out. Maybe add in coconut?


1 cup (2 stick) butter
2 eggs
1½ cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
2 tablespoons vanilla
2 cup flours
10-12 ounces of semi-sweet Baker's Chocolate  (or 1½ cups of chocolate chips)
1/3 cup peanut butter (preferably 'chunky' style)
1/4 cup Marshmallow Fluff

1) Preheat your oven to 350º.
2) In a large microwave-safe mixing bowl, heat the butter in the microwave at 30 second intervals, stirring at each interval, until completely melted. Once completely melted, remove bowl from the microwave and set to the side to cool.
3) Take your baking dish, either an 8x13 or two 8x8s, and line it with aluminum foil. Spray the foil with cooking spray.
4) Roughly chop up the chocolate.
5) Now add the eggs to the cooled-down butter and mix them completely.
6) Add both sugars and the vanilla, and whisk until completely mixed to a uniform dark brown mixture.
7) Add the flour, and gently fold until just mixed. When there's no more loose flour, it's done.
8) Fold in the chocolate.
9) Pour out the batter into the baking dish.
10) Take the open jar of peanut butter, and microwave it (without the lid) at 10 second intervals, stirring with the handle of a spoon, until the peanut butter is soft and liquidy. Dot the top of the batter with the peanut butter.
11) Dot the top of the batter with Marshmallow Fluff.
12) Bake at 350º for 20-25 minutes until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out with crumbs but no wet batter.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Chocolate Cherry Freezer Pie

I know this post is late, and I'm really sorry gang!  But this week has been a little on the crazy-busy side. There was Geek Night at the comedy club, and the day at Busch Gardens, and the Virginia Beach Tattoo Festival...  And I got a new haircut!

It's an awesome haircut.
I love it.

Seriously, I look smoking hot. My hair is completely chopped off and short except for long side-swept bangs in the front, and I'd take a picture for you but the weather's been dismal so the lighting's been dismal, so in all the pics I come out just looking like a floating face with bright red lips.

There's something about a fantastically foxy short haircut that makes you want to wear fantastic perky makeup and big red roses in your hair.

Yeah, this has nothing to do with today's recipe but... you know... Queen of the Segues here.



1 package (8oz) of cream cheese, soft but not warm
1/2 tub of Cool Whip
1 box (3oz) of cherry Jello mix
1/4 cup of powdered sugar
1 chocolate cookie pie crust
6 ounces of dark chocolate (either chips or Baker's chocolate)
3/4 cup of cream or half-and-half

Note: to make your own chocolate cookie crust, here's a recipe, but leave out the cinnamon: I personally used chocolate Fiber One cereal that I crunched up in a freezer bag using a rolling pin. 

1) Mix together the cream cheese & Cool Whip until uniform.
2) Fold in the Jello powder & powdered sugar.
3) Pour into the pie crust.
4) Place the pie in the freezer to chill.
5) While the pie is in the freezer, chop up the dark chocolate if using Baker's chocolate bars. Put the chocolate or chocolate chips in a medium mixing bowl.
6) Heat up the cream on the stovetop, on low-medium heat, until it comes to a rolling boil.
7) Pour the milk over the chocolate in the mixing bowl, whisking continuously. Keep whisking until the chocolate ganache smooths out completely and becomes a shiny liquid sauce.
8) Set the ganache to the side for 20 minutes and go read a comic book.
9) After the chocolate has sat for 20ish minutes, remove the pie from the freezer and pour the chocolate evenly over the top. Return the pie to the freezer for at least another hour. Serve chilled from the freezer or the refrigerator, and store it cold likewise.

I highly recommend topping the pie with the remaining Cool Whip when you serve it. Whipped cream provides a bit of a relief from the tart filling and rich chocolate topping. Delicious dessert for a summer evening!

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Mountain Dew Cake

Spent a lot of time today thinking about exercise.
Specifically, how I hate it.
I really do.
All of it.

Yeah, I get it, you're supposed to exercise three times a week and it's good for your body and it's good for your joints and it's good for your blood pressure and it's good for your mental well-being and blah blah blah.


I still hate it.

Experts are all like "find some exercise you truly enjoy and just do it!!!!"  Yeah, bugger off. I truly enjoy sitting at my computer, scrolling through weird bug articles on Cracked and eating fancy cheese.

And lifting weights. Maybe I should ask my husband for a Bowflex for Christmas? Set that sucker up right by the computer. Do bicep curls with one hand and shove fancy cheese in my mouth with the other. Use my feet to play Warcraft.

Here's some Mountain Dew cake. Classic gamer food. It could only be more classicker if you dusted it on top with crushed Flaming Cheetos.


1½ cups (3 sticks) butter, softened
3 cups sugar
5 eggs
1 tablespoon vanilla
1 tablespoon lemon extract
3 cups flour
1 cup (8 ounces) Mountain Dew, any variety
2 tablespoons Mountain Dew
1 tablespoon lemon or lime juice
2½ - 3 cups of powdered sugar

1) Preheat your oven to 325º. Grease a bundt pan, or 2 loaf pans, very well with butter or coconut oil and put them in the refrigerator.
2) Cream together the butter & sugar until they look like mashed potatoes. Make sure it's nice & soft & well blended.
3) Add in the eggs, one at a time, and mix well after each addition. When you can no longer see any yellow from yolk, go ahead and add in the next egg.
4) Mix in the vanilla and lemon extract.
5) Add in a little flour, then a little soda. Go back & forth, alternating between a little flour & a little soda, until it's all mixed in. I do it in thirds (1 cup flour, 1/3 cup of soda). Mix on low to medium until the batter is foamy and thick.
Slightly overcooked. Still good.
6) Now take your pan(s) out of the fridge and scoop your batter in. Bake at 325º for approximately 60 to 75 minutes. The cake is finished when the top is golden brown and doesn't look like pudding anymore. Let cool completely, and turn the cake out onto a plate or cake platter, before putting on the glaze.
7) The glaze: whisk together the soda, lemon or lime juice, and 1½ cups of powdered sugar in a medium bowl, until it's an even consistency. Then add in powdered sugar--keep whisking!--half cup by half cup, until you get a nice, thick, creamy glaze. Pour it on!

 I like to put cakes immediately into the refrigerator after glazing, just to make sure that the glaze stays put where I artistically (haphazardly) poured it.  You're going to end up with a lot of glaze from this one, but you can just pour all the excess right into the middle hold of the bundt cake. That's the way gamers like it--extra sugary.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Banana Brownies with Cinnamon Caramel Glaze

So yeah, I'm not really that much into brownies..
*oh man, this is good*
I mean, nothing against them, they're just kinda...
*no seriously, this is really good*
boring, you know? There's no filling
*oh man...nomnomnom*
there's only the most basic frosting
*may I have more? why yes I may!*
and you can't even really make them that pretty

Ok I give up. You can't make brownies pretty but you can make them so insanely delicious that you don't even look at them too hard because they're already in your face man they're in your mouth and your mouth is like
At laaaaaaaaaast! Sweet mystery of life I have fooooound yoooooouuu!
Just one bite...
Which is what I imagine Madeline Kahn's character sings upon meeting (read: sleeping with) the Monster in Young Frankenstein.  I don't remember what the words are exactly because it's been a few years since I've seen the movie. It used to be the go-to movie for my best friend and I; feel like sewing, knitting, working a jigsaw puzzle, hitting up a crossword, cleaning out the rabbit cage, and you want something on the TV to keep you company? Put in Young Frankenstein.  "Roll, roll, roll in ze hay!"

Ok, maybe two.

Yeah. Brownies. These things. They're awesome. Recipe slightly modified from Averiecooks.comMakethesenow!


1/2 cup (1 stick) of butter
1 cup white sugar
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 egg
6 ounces of greek yogurt or sour cream (we used vanilla greek yogurt)
1 tablespoon vanilla
2 large bananas
1 box of chocolate or banana instant pudding mix (3.9oz; not Cook & Serve)
1/3 cup & 1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder
1 cup of chocolate chips
3/4 cup flour
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) of butter
1/3 cup brown sugar
2 tablespoons milk
1 tablespoon vanilla
1 pinch of salt
1½ teaspoon of cinnamon (optional)
2 cups of powdered sugar

-The brownies
1) Set the oven to 350º. Remove any stickers from the bananas, place them on a cookie sheet (skins on), and put them in the preheating oven.
2) Melt the butter completely in the microwave (takes about a minute, minute & a half).
3) Combine the melted butter, both sugars, egg, yogurt, and vanilla in your large mixing bowl, and mix well until uniform in color & texture.
4) When the banana skins are completely black, carefully get them out of the oven. With a sharp knife, carefully slice the skins open. Using a spoon, pull out all the warm mushy banana goodness and get this into your mixing bowl. (Throw away the skins.) Mix it in.
5) Now mix in the pudding powder, the cocoa powder, and then finally the chocolate chips.
6) Pour the flour, baking soda, & salt on top, then slowly mix until just combined. Batter will be thick & fluffy.
7) Scoop the mix out into an 8x8 or 9x9 pan that has been greased or sprayed with cooking spray. Bake at 350º for 40 to 45 minutes.  Brownies are done when they hardly wiggle anymore.  Set the pan on a cooling rack to cool.

-The glaze
1) In a small saucepan, melt the butter on medium-low.
2) Once melted, add the brown sugar. Whisk continuously until it comes to a boil, then continue boiling & whisking for 2 minutes.
3) At the 2-minute mark, remove the pan from heat, and allow it to sit for 1 minute.
4) After 1 minute, add the milk. Keep whisking.
5) Add the vanilla, salt, and cinnamon. Keep whisking.
6) Add the powdered sugar. Keep whisking until you get a nice thick, consistent glaze.  Pour this on cooled, room-temp brownies. (If the brownies are too hot, the glaze will just melt right in.)

I am seriously in love with this glaze. We all know how I am about caramel, and this glaze is, as my favorite aunt says, to die for. Simply the best ever.  On top of brownies that are thick and dense and so very soft and moist...  yeah.  Yeah.  It's that good.